"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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