69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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