2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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