this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You pole danced in your parka.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
