So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you told grandpa to call you daddy
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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