My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
