I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
