as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
