so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
