Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
