Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My bed smells like the plague
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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