just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
