apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
