I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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