Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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