My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
