she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
