yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
