i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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