So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
