If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
