i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
