I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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