upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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