just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
