well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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