This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
