I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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