I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
