Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
