Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
