we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
