o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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