is wine microwaveable?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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