we have officially mastered the walk of shame
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
