so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
