Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
