she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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