You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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