update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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