your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
