The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
