remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
