there was a trapeze. enough said
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't turn off my feet"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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