She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
