guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
