If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
