im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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