i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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