i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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