hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
false alarm. still invincible.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
