arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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