No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
