Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
