we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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