my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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