We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So here I am, sexting at work.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
