last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
