i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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