I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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