am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
