Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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