I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
