He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
