question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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