At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
