I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
