evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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