i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
