I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
