Don't you send me to vm
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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