I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
