I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
