Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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